Sunday, September 5, 2010

It has been too long...

       Sorry for not posting in a few days. I've just been a little busy but, nuns. Seriously, has anyone ever seen, or even heard of, a drunk nun? Now maybe there's a whole congregation of over-the-top, slutty alky nuns that I don't know about (tell me if there is...that would be awesome), but it just seems like at least one of them would of dipped a little too deep into the ol' JC juice.
       Could you imagine how awesome that would be? I mean c'mon. hangin out with a drunk nun? Talk about epic conversions. That would trump the shit out of the Ben Affleck dogma conversion. It would be so easy, like:
                         Me: "Sister...Hey sis...god isn't real
             Whore nun: " I...I dun even ca...cur...any...anymore...I....can i suck ur peep?

       Which leads me into my next awesome point. Think about how awesome of a lay that would be? Talk about your holiest of holies! Put aside for a moment that it would be the most dick-crushingly tightest pussy you've ever had the pleasure of pillaging, and think about what you've just done. You'd have just entered the most sacred of places. The most cherished of chapels. The purest of parishes. The most untainted of tabernacles. THE BIG BAMBINO! Yet I digress.
       Now that I've firmly secured shotgun on the long hard road into hell, I think I'm gonna crack a beer and go hang out at the only place online that makes me feel like I'm not the worst piece of shit on the planet. See you fags there.
                                                  Sacrilegious Whatever...


Sunday, August 29, 2010

That whore...

--First off: no updates on my last post. The cops don't seem to want to call me back and I don't know where that asshat that stole my shit is...moving on.--

This wasn't the first PS3 that I've had stolen. Yes, there was another one before the most recent. I completely forgot about it when I wrote my last post. Let me explain...

                                         --(Bar story in question follows...but not really)--

       So I went to the bar last night after posting about my stolen PS3. I met a few friends, a couple of mortal assfag girl-stealing enemies, and was having an overall good time. I played some pool (at which, if I don't say so myself, I did exemplary) and proceeded to get thoroughly shitfaced. During a rather riveting game of the 'stick and balls' I heard the door open and looked up to see who walked in. To my surprise it was that stupid-whore-cunt-bitch-faced-whore. Allow me to explain...

                                                      --(Wavy/blurry flashback scene)--

       I was fucking around with/dating(i guess) this dopehead whore(and a whore she was). We met after a long night of drinking and all around debauchery. We ended up fucking as is usual with debauchery in general(whore, mind you) and I was with her fairly often. I wouldn't call it a relationship as much as a drug/alcohol induced sex frenzy but hey, it was fun.

                                                                 --(Blah blah blah we fought)--

       We were out one night drinking with a few friends and we weren't getting along so well. I tell that stupid whore cunt nigra lovin trash to take me home and she does. She leaves to take my friend home at which point i realize i left my PS3 in her trunk. I call her multiple times, at first getting no answer. When I did it was nothing more than hollow threats and low-blows on both sides. On the way home she got pulled over by the bacon and got her car impounded. A 'friend' comes to pick her up and gives me shit for calling her (I wish I knew who that piece of shit was. Prolly one of her little whore conquests....fuckin whore).

Well to make a long story not so longish I never got my PS3 back.  I talked to her after that day and she had multiple, yes multiple stories during different phone calls, to explain what happened.
                        1. The people at the impound lot must have taken it
                                  -I called them and filed a formal complaint.
                        2. Your friend that I took home must have taken it.
                                  -He's a good friend who's house I'm at every day
                        3. The guy  who picked me up must of taken it.
                                  -Still your fault. Give me his info and I'll find his ass.
                                         (her answer): I can't do that. You don't know him. He wouldn't appreciate that.                                                                Blah blah blah....(WHORRRRRRE!!!!!!!)

                        What really happened: She was pissed at me. She sold my PS3 for dope. (which later, it was                           confirmed that she sold it for like 20 bags or so by a friend that she also fucked over). She                           got back with her dopehead/dealer boyfriend the next day.

                                                                    --(wavy/blur back to the present)--

       She came into the bar and I almost punched her (I was hammered by this time). Luckily for me (and luckily for her) my friends got me out before I did anything that would've gotten me arrested.
            Fuck, now I'm pissed all over again. Blogging doesn't help at all. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...

Saturday, August 28, 2010

This is bullshit...

       Yeah. So, about a week ago I was having a little party at my house. You know, alcohol, pot, and a bunch of friends. We're all sitting around drinking and playing some MW2 on PS3 and having a good time. So around midnight everyone leaves and heads home or wherever they were going. I decide it might be fun to go to the bar, have a drink, and see if any females need a place to stay.
                                                       --(Insert generic bar story here)--

      So anyway i leave the bar at about 2:00am and head home. I walk in my front door and immediately notice that my fucking PS3 is not where I left it. So I destroy my house looking for it (thinking that it hid itself or some shit) and come up with nothing. At this point I'm pretty pissed off, pacing around the house raging at the cat like: "Wtf you fuckin' pussy, you're supposed to watch the house you furry piece of shit!". Then to top it all off I go to the kitchen to destroy a fucking sammich and find out that some dickless faggot stole my fucking hamspread. So now I'm all pissed again and decide to just go to bed before i murder someone.
       The next day I'm more calm and realize that i still have receipts and the fucking serial number. Also, I have kind of an idea of who might have taken my shit.
       I call up the exchange store that my main suspect usually goes to and believe it or not they tell me that it just got turned in. I shit brix real quick and then call the cops. The cops call the store, get the name of the person who used their own ID to trade in the system (Fucking Idiots), and it turned out to  be one of my suspects.  The police call him and he stumbles over a few weak ass lies that wont work (considering he's on camera at the store and used his ID), so i assume he's fucked and I'm getting my shit back. Turns out the cops let him walk out of the station and told him he had 'a few days' to go to the store, buy back my Playstation, and return it to me. I'm like WTF I want my shit now and I want him to be getting ass raped by his cell mate by dinner time.
       I then called the store where the system was and told them that I was just going to come up and get my shit and they told me that they wouldn't release it until they got they're money back either from the asshole that stole it or from me. Now it seems to me that the cops or the courts or whatever should buy it from the store, return it to me, and then fine the fuck out of the  guy who stole it.
       So here I am a week later. I still don't have my PS3 back and I'm fiending for some duty.
I'm gonna go drown my sorrows with a half gallon of vodka then cry myself to sleep.





What think?

I think I'm going to cut my hair like this.

Who's with me?


Fucking hungover and cant